MotoGP: Stoner Stuns Floodlit Field in Test

Riding around the Losail, Qatar circuit on MotoGP bikes in the dark sounds like a ridiculous idea. Surely it should result in the kind of carnage that you'd usually find when Lindsay Lohan drives home after a night on the town. Well, we got our first inkling on the first day of the floodlit test at Losail. Could Stoner stay on the Ducati and put in some quick times?

Well, duh. There's nothing this kid can't do. He really is Mick Doohan in disguise. It might have been a surprise when he suddenly became quick and consistent on the 800cc Ducati, but these days you look at time sheets wondering how close anyone got to the little World Champ. He blitzed his rivals at this Qatar test. At least they had an excuse for not being able to see him disappear into the distance.

Of course, this is really a dry run for the night race at Qatar next week. The excuse is that Qatar is in the Middle East, meaning that a race there will be on at the wrong time of day for viewers everywhere else in the world. Of course, that's rubbish. The real reason is that if you have a normal race there, Stoner will sod off into the wide sandy yonder as soon as the Ducati gets onto the ridiculous kilometre-long straight, and everybody will switch off the telly on lap 3.

By holding the race at night, the race will be a compelling spectacle that everybody will tune in to see. Starting the race at the witching hour doesn't matter to the trackside fans, because the entire population of Qatar consists of 3 nomadic tribesmen, and they could wander into another Arabian country and leave Qatar completely deserted at any time. No, the only people trackside will be a handful of tourists who tear themselves away from their 12-star hotels.

Of course, Casey Stoner will still sod off into the wide black yonder.

Day one of the test saw a few interesting performances. Jorge Lorenzo came closest to Stoner, merely 7 tenths behind. Randy de Puniet continues to impress, as does Andrea Dovizioso. Colin Edwards got hammered by his team-mate as usual, but now the man embarrassing him on an identical bike is James Toseland, who was 5th, half a second faster than 10th placed Edwards. Rossi, Pedrosa and Hayden all posted mediocre times, searching for setups. Marco Melandri was more than 2.2 seconds slower than Stoner. On an identical bike, with identical tyres. Casey has been his team mate for about 10 minutes and destroyed his career already. Ant West was last after flinging his bike into a gravel trap. It's probably for the best if Westy qualifies at the back of the grid next week, because he'll never find his grid spot in the dark otherwise.

Readers Questions Answered

From time to time I have a nosy at the server logs for this blog. They contain a multitude of boring statistics about the people that visit the site, such as what percentage use Firefox or Internet Exploder, and stuff like that. (I can't tell who you are or nick your bank details unfortunately.) The one source of entertainment in the server stats is the section that tells you what people typed into a search engine to find this site. Any reputable website would use this information to help tailor its content to users' needs. I will therefore try to answer the questions posed in these genuine Google search terms:

adriana stoners legs
I'm not quite sure what you were looking for here. Measurements? Pictures? Quite a few people find this site with search phrases such as adriana stoner and motogp adriana stoner. Popular girl, for some reason. I'd hazard a guess that her striking good looks may have something to do with it.

baby faced assassin stoner
This is why you should stop fantasising about his wife.

damp squib meaning
Try googling "entire 2007 motogp season" or "edwards starting from pole in motogp"

max biaggi finger
He did get whacked in the finger with a stone in a WSBK race at Brno, but that was months ago. Maybe there's something else I'm missing.

max on top
Um, OK. Let's assume you're talking about Max being on the top of the podium, where he has been dozens of times.

jorge lorenzo's helmet
I really don't like where this is going.

leon camier broken leg picture cadwell
Switch off your computer, go to the telephone and call a psychiatrist. I know the primary purpose of the internet is to transmit filth around the world, but you sicken me. Having seen that crash live on TV, I can barely stop myself throwing up at the thought of it.

carl crutchlow how did you start?
Probably by calling himself Cal Crutchlow, not Carl.

ducati 1098r wsbk bending the rules
Whoah, there! Ducati don't bend the rules in World Superbike. Not when they can just get the rules written to their specifications in the first place.

james toseland naked
I'm not sure if I'm more disturbed that somebody searched for this, or that Google told them to come here for more info...

motogp racer height
Mostly very short.

dany pedrosa height moto gp
Even shorter.

motogp doppleganger
Well, it's spelled doppelganger for a start. As for who the identical duo are, I have no idea. Maybe somebody's trying to hire an Uccio lookalike for a private party.

why is hodgson doing ama?
Great question. I believe the answer involves talent and money, not necessarily in that order...

Hopefully these answers have been of some use. I'll keep an eye on those search phrases.

MotoGP: How Small is Dani Pedrosa?

With the MotoGP season starting the week after next, everybody is asking the same question: just how tiny is Dani Pedrosa?

Well, I've done a few quick calculations comparing Pedrosa to some normal, everyday objects to give the viewer at home an idea of the teeny Spaniard's size. These sums assume that Pedrosa is 1.58 metres tall (5'2") and weighs 51kg (112 lb or 8 stone). Measurements are expressed in the units of the Dani (height) and the Pedrosa (weight).

Firstly, a comparison to everybody's favourite escaped mental patient, World Superbike racer Ruben Xaus. The Chaotic Catalan measures 1.16 Danis in height, and weighs a hefty 1.45 Pedrosas.

The little Spanish superstar fares no better in comparison to the type of animals you are likely to encounter in your living room while watching MotoGP. The typical male African Elephant stands at 2.5 Danis in height, weighing a ground-shaking 147 Pedrosas. It would be tempting to construct an elephant out of Dani Pedrosas, if we could just find another 146 of him. (These may exist in an HRC genetics lab halfway up Mount Fuji.)

A decent sized giraffe stands as high as 3.48 Danis and weighs just 25.5 Pedrosas, so it would be much easier to make a giraffe than an elephant out of the little motorcyclist, though this would still exceed the world supply of 1 Dani Pedrosa.

Moving on to the plant world, a Giant Redwood tree reaches an incredible 53.8 Danis into the sky, and tips the scales at a staggering 41,000 Pedrosas.

Speaking of the sky, a Boeing 747-400 stands on the runway at 19.4 Danis in height, and has a maximum take-off weight of over 7,700 Pedrosas. Needless to say, a jumbo jet won't be too stressed taking the actual Dani Pedrosa to his long-haul destinations.

Finally, King Kong's favourite hangout: the Empire State building, which stretches 443 Danis into the heavens and weighs more than 7 million Pedrosas. It is likely that Dani's small size relative to the Empire State building will protect him from being climbed by giant apes when he visits the United States this year.

Hopefully this technical guide should be of some help when you are watching this year's MotoGP series.

WSBK Qatar: Bayliss As Usual, Fonsi Who?

An utterly brilliant start to the World Superbike season at Qatar. The track might be dull and featureless, but it brought some fantastic racing. Here are a few thoughts about the Losail meeting.

Troy Bayliss
Yep, he's still got it. The ultimate Superbike racer (shaddup, Foggy fans!) was outstanding in race one. He was miles down the field but kept clawing away. When he reached the pointy end, he decided to start exploring the scenery, bouncing over the astroturf several times. If there had been any spectators, they would have been singing "Are you Ruben in disguise?" His team boss Davide Tardozzi was having kittens on the pitwall, jumping around begging Troy to slow down. No chance! Narrowly beating Max Biaggi to the line, Bayliss gave the Ducati 1098R its debut win and kept up his incredible 1 in 3 victory record. Race two was forgettable for the Aussie, so let's forget it. He's leading the championship. The guy's amazing.

Max Biaggi
Looking good in his badass black leathers, Max was on great form. He kept charging into corners, realizing he couldn't quite stop in time, and running wide. He did that in the last corner of race one trying to pass Bayliss, and could only finish 2nd. Race two saw him on the podium again, but beaten by his team-mate Xaus. Still, he's 2nd in the championship and was right on the pace, on yet another type of motorcycle. He'll surely take some wins this year. Plus, he made a couple of highly entertaining hard moves on his rivals.

Fonsi Nieto
Who? You mean the rubbish guy on the Kwaka? Nope, I mean the quick guy on the Suzuki who's 3rd in the championship. It looks like Fonsi is actually a half decent rider. His performance in race two was flawless when he took his well deserved debut WSBK victory. (Though he was AWOL in race one.)

Ruben Xaus
The chaotic Catalan was great to watch. Having Biaggi for a team-mate makes you realize just how huge Xaus is (he could run 17 feet wide of a corner and his knee would still clip the apex) and he always provides top quality entertainment. His well-deserved 2nd place in race 2 bodes well for this year.

Noriyuki Haga
Unbelievable. Seriously!
Picture the scene. It's race one. Max Biaggi has forced past Nori Haga in a firm but fair manoeuvre and parked on the apex. Haga nearly hits the back of Max, then completely loses his mind. Nori takes his left hand off the bars to remonstrate, only to suffer an enormous highside and land on the top of his head, completely upside-down. What on earth was he thinking? It was entirely his own stupid fault. Still, he was OK and it was hilarious to watch.

Ducati
The new Ducati 1098R was brilliant straight from the box. It wasn't as quick as the fours down the straight (though it was pretty quick with the little Roman Emperor on board) but it's a hell of a machine.

Suzuki
Francis Batta was livid about Ducati getting a 200cc capacity advantage this year, so he just taped a couple of wheels onto a space rocket and sprayed it yellow. The Suzuki is jaw-droppingly quick in a straight line, and not too shabby round corners either.

Yamaha
Like last year, the Yam was hugely quick but didn't last the distance. Corser was on pole (for a change) and both he and Haga led the races at some point. They'll get better as the year progresses.

Honda
Oops, they've done it again! Last year's 800cc MotoGP Honda was just awful. So how is this year's brand new Honda Fireblade Superbike? I'll give you a hint, its engine note sounds like this: "Grrrr!!! Woof! Woof! Bowowow!!!" Yep, it's terrible, but if anybody can sort it out, it's the Ten Kate brothers. To top it off, Honda stupidly put Ryuichi Kiyonari in WSBK on Pirellis, despite him being the only Japanese rider who can win on Michelin tyres. Japanese riders hate changing tyre brands, and Kiyo was unsurprisingly terrible on the unfamiliar rubber, in other words "doing a Tamada" or "doing a Nakano".

Overall
A great start to the season for WSBK. The 4 and 2-cylinder bikes are very closely matched, and the racing was edge of the seat stuff. It looks like another vintage year.

MotoGP versus World Superbike

With the World Superbike series about to start, the debates about WSBK versus MotoGP will kick off again. Both types of bike look broadly similar, and both contain the same list of manufacturers, so what's the diff?


Philosophy
MotoGP is considered the pinnacle of motorsport, with all of the bikes being racing prototypes. You can't buy a MotoGP bike for love nor money. They contain the latest cutting edge technology, and by definition bear very little resemblance to a road bike. MotoGP bikes are designed directly by the manufacturer. Smaller teams may lease bikes from a factory.

WSBK on the other hand, is a production-based series, that is to say the bikes start off as road bikes identical to those in showrooms across the world. They are stripped down, tuned up and fitted with various racing components, but if you had the time and the money you could buy a bike and upgrade it to World Superbike specifications. The emphasis in WSBK is on close racing, and lots of it. Ducati run a factory team, while most of the top teams are semi-factory (usually run by a national bike importer with help from the factory) and there are also independent privateers.

Chassis
MotoGP bikes have a prototype chassis designed especially for racing. This means it is extremely stiff and highly configurable. Teams can make dozens of tiny changes to the suspension geometry to tune the setup precisely to the rider's needs.

WSBK bikes have the same chassis as the road-going version of the bike. Some extra pieces may be added to help strength and stiffness, but nothing structural can be removed. This means that the chassis is less stiff than a MotoGP bike, and less configurable.

Engine
MotoGP engines are specially designed prototype units, having a maximum capacity of 800cc. The major parts of the engine must not be based on any road-going engine. Although the number of cylinders is not restricted, all teams currently use 4-cylinder engines in either V4 (Ducati, Honda, Suzuki) or Inline 4 (Yamaha, Kawasaki) configurations. Suzuki, Kawasaki, Yamaha and Honda either use pneumatic valve springs or are using steel springs while they develop a pneumatic system. Ducati use desmodromic valves (the valves are actively pushed open and pushed shut, rather than being actively pushed open and allowed to spring shut). MotoGP engines are said to produce at least 220bhp at the crank.

World Superbike engines are highly tuned and modified versions of road-going engines. There are strict rules as to which parts may or may not be changed. All WSBK engines use steel valve springs, except for Ducati who use a desmodromic system. The Japanese bikes use Inline-4 cylinder engines with a maximum capacity of 1000cc, with the best producing an estimated 220bhp (equal to a MotoGP machine). Ducati run V-twin engines with a capacity of 1200cc. Initially in 2008, Ducati will have to run 50mm air inlet restrictors to limit power to around 200bhp. This is an attempt to compensate for Ducati's capacity advantage, and the restrictor size may be varied during the year to keep performance on a par with 4-cylinder machines.

Brakes
MotoGP machines use a pair of 320mm diameter carbon brake discs at the front. These are extremely light, which reduces unsprung mass, improving handling over bumps and reducing the gyroscopic effect (which makes a motorcycle try to carry on in a straight line and resist turning). Carbon brakes also have very high stopping force, but only once they have come up to working temperature. The rear brakes are small and made of steel as most riders just use gentle rear braking to stabilize the bike. Nicky Hayden uses a larger rear brake due to his riding style, but it is still far smaller than the front disc.

WSBK machines use a pair of 320mm steel front brake discs. These are heavier and less effective than carbon discs, meaning the stopping distances are longer than MotoGP bikes and handling is compromised. Carbon brakes are banned in WSBK as they are extremely expensive. Rear brakes are made of steel.

Weight
MotoGP rules allow minimum bike weights based on the number of cylinders in the bike's engine, but as all bikes run 4-cylinder engines there is a de facto limit of 148kg. (The limit would vary from 133kg for 2-cylinder bikes to 168kg for 6-cylinder bikes if they existed.)

WSBK rules also have different maximum weight limits depending on the number of cylinders. 4-cylinder bikes must weigh at least 162kg, while 2-cylinder bikes (namely Ducatis) must weigh at least 168kg. However, the 2-cylinder weight limit may be varied during the year to equalize performance with 4-cylinder bikes, meaning Ducati may be asked to reduce the weight as low as 162kg or increase it as high as 171kg as required.

Tyres
MotoGP bikes use prototype tyres from either Michelin or Bridgestone. This means that top teams get tyres specifically made to suit their bikes and riders. However, smaller teams may be forced to use tyres designed for somebody else, which increases the gap between the "haves" and "have nots". The number of tyres that can be used during a race meeting is restricted.

WSBK has a control tyre rule, meaning that all teams use identical Pirelli tyres, with only a choice of a few rubber compounds, e.g. soft, medium and hard. Small teams have access to exactly the same tyres as big teams. This does not stop conspiracy theories claiming that big teams receive special tyres, but these rumours are deeply dubious. Like MotoGP, there is a restriction on the number of tyres that can be used.

Qualifying
MotoGP has a qualifying hour, during which teams may use special super-sticky qualifying tyres which give great performance but only last for one flying lap of the track. Usually riders use race tyres for most of the qualifying period, as they only have 2 or 3 qualifying tyres to use for a fast lap to try and secure pole position. MotoGP bikes line up on the grid with 3 bikes per row.

WSBK uses the Superpole system. The top 16 riders from pre-qualifying practise come onto the track one at a time, in reverse order, to perform one flying lap that will count for their grid position. In wet conditions, Superpole is cancelled and replaced with a conventional qualifying session. Special qualifying tyres are used. There are 4 bikes per row on the grid. If a rider fails to finish his Superpole lap, he will line up on the grid at the end of the next row, meaning that if he was 3rd in pre-qualifying he is guaranteed at least 8th place on the grid. Everybody after 16th place lines up in their position from pre-qualifying.

Races
MotoGP has one race per race meeting, lasting around 45 minutes. If it rains during a race, riders may come into the pits and jump onto their spare bike, so long as it is fitted with a different type of tyre (i.e. riders must switch from slick to rain tyres or vice versa).

WSBK has two races per race meeting, each lasting around 30 minutes. The riders line up in the same grid spot for both races.

Overall
MotoGP is a full-on, no expense spared prototype category. It attracts the best riders in the world, and is often seen as self-absorbed and highly pressurized. The bikes are small and light, the engines are high-tech and powerful, as are the brakes. Unfortunately, the current regulations made for dull racing last season, with MotoGP snobs wailing about any attempt to improve the spectacle.

WSBK uses highly-modified road bikes, with the rules leading to very similar performance from many bikes and therefore close racing. Many of the riders are either young MotoGP wannabes or burned out ex-MotoGP riders. The bikes are heavier and lower tech than MotoGP prototypes. The one tyre rule is now reckoned to have been a masterstroke, though it was criticized when first introduced. Superpole qualifying and two races per meeting are used as ways to improve the spectacle for fans. WSBK is generally considered to have a more friendly atmosphere than the high-pressure world of MotoGP, and usually provides more entertainment despite being less prestigious.

WSBK: 2008 Season Preview

Tis the season to preview the World Superbikes. I may as well jump on the bandwagon. Everyone else is at it.

New Rules
Ducati successfully argued that they should be allowed to field 1200cc V-twin bikes against the 1000cc 4-cylinder Japanese machines. In return, Ducati agreed to restrict their bikes to the same level of tuning as everybody else, having previously had an advantage. Then got an exemption so they can use different pistons. The 1200cc twins will be heavier, starting the season at 168kg versus 162kg for the 4-cylinder bikes. This weight limit may be revised based on performance, adding up to 3 extra kilos of ballast, or subtracting 6kg as required to even things up. They will also have to run a 50mm air inlet restrictor, which can also be varied to equalize performance. The restrictors may be a bit of a red herring as they restrict maximum bhp and have minimal effect on the monstrous low-end torque of a 1200cc twin.

Bikes
The Ducati 1098R is going to be an awesome machine. Cynics like me reckon that it may well dominate proceedings, with the ballast and restrictor adjustments happening conveniently too late to change the points table. We'll have to wait until we're a few races in, and have sampled both fast and twisty tracks, then we'll find out.

Honda's new CBR1000RR Fireblade hasn't set the forums alight with its looks, but it will build on the brilliance of the old model. It may take a little while for the teams to find good setups. Ten Kate will be at an advantage in this respect, with Carlos Checa's development skills and Ryuichi Kiyonari's close relationship with HRC.

Yamaha debuted their latest R1 last year, and once it had found some top-end power and stopped chewing its tyres it turned into a great machine. It should be a front-runner this year.

Suzuki have a quick bike, but it may lack development as the Alstare team have lost their Corona sponsorship. However, the Japanese manufacturer will be trying hard to help Yukio Kagayama after his surprise win in last year's Suzuka 8 hour.

If the Kawasaki was as quick as it is green, it would be a great machine. But it isn't.

Likely Championship Contenders
You'd have to be brain-dead not to think Troy Bayliss is favourite for the title. The Aussie had it tough last year, when the bike suddenly booted him in the crotch and threw him down the street at Donington. He lost a pinkie, and spent a lot of time sitting in a soft armchair with a pack of frozen peas down the front of his pants. He's a battler, though. He'll be there or thereabouts at the end of the year, and should win a fair few races on the Xerox Ducati.

Noriyuki Haga was brilliant towards the end of last year, and really lost the title because he spent the first few races developing the brand new Yamaha. He'll hit the ground running this year though, with Xerox Ducati and HannSpree Ten Kate Honda both trying to set up brand new machines. Nitro Nori's best chance of the title was a few years back when he got banned in farcical circumstances for failing a drug test by taking a decongestant. This year will be his next best, and possibly last chance.

Max Biaggi will be adapting to yet another type of bike, this time the 1200cc V-twin Sterilgarda Ducati. However, Max has won races in 250GP, 500GP, 990cc MotoGP and 1000cc WSBK. He will very probably add 1200cc WSBK to that list. Though he now knows the tracks and is familiar with the Pirelli control tyre, Max is an outside shot for the title, as he will have to beat Troy "Mr Ducati" Bayliss on the same bike. Expect to hear Max complaining that his bike isn't as good as the factory Ducatis, but still beating them a few times along the way.

Possible Race Winners
Ruben "Chaos" Xaus will be team-mate to Biaggi on the Sterilgarda Ducati. As always, Xaus will probably win a race or two, and destroy the odd 1098R. It just wouldn't be the same without Xaus, the most entertaining rider in the series.

Carlos Checa is experienced enough to go well, but he won't know most of the tracks and won't know the Pirelli control tyres. Max Biaggi showed that you can overcome this last year, but you have to be a fast learner and put in a ton of laps. The Spaniard should bag a race or two on the Ten Kate Honda.

Ryuichi Kiyonari is on red hot form after winning the BSB title twice. However, he will be learning most of the circuits too, as well as the tyres. Ten Kate are a great team though, and his bike should be a rocket ship.

Troy Corser is in the twilight years of racing. He's still lightning fast in superpole, but couldn't manage a race win last year. He is probably largely responsible for the Yamaha R1's rapid development, and that's why he is still around. Could nick a race here or there.

Michel Fabrizio has built a career on being rubbish everywhere but Brno. However, that's Max's track, so the young Italian will do well to snatch that one from the wily old Roman Emperor on an identical Ducati. Expect him to be generally blown away by Bayliss, but surprise us all with one or two brilliant races, maybe even a win.

Conclusion
With the new 1200cc versus 1000cc rules, this should be a great year. Is the 1098R too good for the Japanese bikes? Will Bayliss grab the title in probably his last year of racing? We'll get a good idea of how things are going when the season starts this weekend.

MotoGP: Jerez Round Zero Snoozefest

The final pre-season test at Jerez, dubbed Round Zero, turned out to be a damb squib as the riders splashed around in damp conditions.

The dummy qualifying session, which theoretically spices up the test, was dull, dull, dull. In tricky conditions, Stoner went out at the start and set the BMW-winning time after a mere handful of laps. Valentino Rossi was 2nd, well over a second slower than the reigning World Champion, with Nicky Hayden continuing his decent run of testing with 3rd.

John Hopkins didn't ride, still suffering from a dislocated crotch he sustained in the Phillip Island test. Neither did Dani Pedrosa, who hurt his hand throwing his toys out of the pram a couple of weeks ago.

The progress shown by some in the dry conditions yesterday was wiped out as riders struggled to find a tyre or a setup for the drying track, and didn't want to fall off and hurt themselves. People such as de Puniet and Toseland had been highly impressive on slick tyres, but were mediocre on the horrible soggy surface.

If you didn't see footage of "Round Zero", don't worry. You didn't miss anything.

MotoGP: Prodigal Son Returns To Italy

Time was when Italy was a romantic place that the rest of Europe looked to enviously. There was a change of government every 2 or 3 weeks, and the country's rich people thought that paying tax was strictly optional. Stunningly beautiful fast cars and motorcycles rolled off production lines, only to break down seconds later. Sports teams bent the rules to suit themselves. The mafia did whatever the hell they wanted. Those days have passed.

Italy still has the same beautiful countryside and architecture, but it has now joined countries such as Germany and the UK as a hard-nosed 21st century European nation. Governments last years, not months. The mafia has been hammered by the rule of law. Cheating soccer teams have been slammed with heavy punishments. Ferraris, Maseratis and Ducatis don't pour gallons of oil onto the floor of your garage overnight.

And you can't escape paying tax, as Valentino Rossi has discovered to his cost.

Rossi tried to play the system by living in London as a "non-dom" (non-domiciled foreign citizen, i.e. somebody who lives in the UK but is not legally domiciled here.) Under British tax law, a non-dom pays no tax on money earned in other countries. There is currently a huge national debate in the UK as to whether this should be abolished, but it's too late for Valentino anyway.

The trouble was that he claimed not to live in Italy, but he owned property and expensive cars in Italy, and spent a lot of time there. In other words, he bloody well did live in Italy, and he was fooling nobody. The Italian tax man clearly had legal proof of this, because Rossi has been forced to hand over tens of millions of Euros in back taxes. As part of the settlement, Rossi will "move back" to Italy. He may as well just admit that he basically lived there already, and his posh London flat was just a bolt-hole to escape the madness of celebrity once in a while.

Rossi must be seriously angry about this, having trusted his tax lawyers and accountants. But the matter is now over, and it was extremely wise of The Doctor to settle it before the MotoGP season starts. With his new Bridgestone tyres, and the pneumatic-valve Yamaha engine starting to sing, Valentino won't be at the same embarrassing disadvantage he was to Stoner this time last year. He is a wounded animal, and will be totally focussed on winning the title. I think he might just do it.

MotoGP Testing: Sepang Again

If you're looking for biassed and offhand analysis of the final Sepang test, you've come to the right place. (If you're looking for a detailed and professional analysis of the Phillip Island test, check out Dennis Noyes at the SpeedTV site.)

FIAT Yamaha showed up to this test, having missed Phillip Island. Nicky Hayden was there for the first couple of days. Pedrosa is still injured, but has cheered himself up by changing his race number. He will now be number 2, which sums up his remarks about Hayden's bike development abilities. Most of the other teams either weren't there or just sent a test team.

Valentino Rossi is now getting used to the Bridgestone tyres and getting his bike dialled into their characteristics. This isn't too surprising, considering the combined brainpower of race engineer Jeremy Burgess (IQ 395) and Valentino Rossi (race IQ 180, falling to 27 when filling in tax forms). Rossi has supposedly reached a settlement with the Italian tax authorities. He will keep the race number 46 because that's how many Euros are left in his bank account. Yamaha's test team has switched to Bridgestone tyres, although The Doctor reckons the test riders are so slow that he doesn't really give a monkey's.

The Doctor put in some outstanding laps, which will have Ducati pausing for thought and the rest of us rubbing our hands and looking forward to the first real head-to-head between all the top guys at the upcoming IRTA test, where somebody will walk off with the keys to a BMW for posting fastest time in a dummy qualifying session.

Rossi's cocky partial team-mate Jorge Lorenzo did well on qualifiers (which hide a multitude of sins), but is struggling with front-end feel on the Yamaha. He was a good few tenths adrift of Valentino on race tyres. Apparently his riding style may have to change, which does make a mockery of the idea that 800cc bikes are custom designed for 250cc riders. Casey Stoner did once say that he and Pedrosa don't really have classical 250cc riding styles, but tend to pick the bike up much earlier than expected. Lorenzo's style in 250GP was noticeably different to his rival Andrea Dovizioso, who took much tighter lines and is doing brilliantly on an 800cc MotoGP machine. It could be a tough year for the comically arrogant Lorenzo.

Having said that, all talk of riding styles should be taken with a pinch of salt. After all, Max Biaggi has a 250cc riding style worthy of painting on the Sistine Chapel, and he didn't do too badly last year on a heavy, squishy, point-and-shoot WSBK machine.

Nicky Hayden did a million and four laps on the first 2 days of the test, mostly involving an out lap, flying lap, in lap and some tinkering with the bike. Repeat as required (i.e. lots). HRC's main problem is that the new pneumatic valve engine is rubbish compared to the new steel-spring engine, which is rubbish compared to last year's steel-spring engine. Hopefully Honda will sort the pneumatic valve system so we can talk about Dani Pedrosa's air-sprung dwarf technique...

MotoGP Testing: Seagull Island Summary

Here's a roundup of last week's 3-day MotoGP test at the seagull-strewn Phillip Island circuit. Most of the players were there, except for FIAT Yamaha's Valentino Rossi and Jorge Lorenzo, and crocked micro-superstar Dani Pedrosa.

Casey Stoner was terrifyingly fast. A second faster than everybody else. He probably has this year's championship sewn up already. God, I hope not.

Marco Melandri was pretty slow again, still failing to get to grips with the Ducati. This may be because he can't get used to the bike, or possibly because he wasn't injured enough. He finished 2nd in the championship when he was squished in the massive Barcelona crash. He scored a podium at Laguna Seca after having his ankle broken by Kurtis Roberts (the only rider to rival Britney Spears in the "danger to yourself and others" category.) Marco should probably have a big testing crash if he wants to start the season well.

Shock of the week was the brilliant performance of James Toseland, who finished 3rd when everybody bolted on qualifying tyres at the end of the test. It is disconcerting to see a British rider higher than 17th on the timesheets after James Ellison's many displays of mediocrity. I believe I know the reason for this. Ellison was a World Endurance Champion. Toseland, on the other hand, is an atrocious endurance rider. Riding for Honda at the Suzuka 8 hour, he crashed out after an incredible 5 minutes on track (allegedly signing for Yamaha while still in mid-air.) I didn't expect much of Toseland in his first year of MotoGP, but we might see some great performances at tracks he knows well, such as Phillip Island, Donington and Assen.

Colin Edwards was very quick at the start of the test, but was slower than Toseland by the end of it. Being in a satellite team may relieve some of the pressure on the laconic Texan, but finishing behind Toseland doesn't bode well.

Nicky Hayden took no notice of his bitchy dwarf team-mate Dani Pedrosa's claims that the Kentucky Kid is a bad development rider, putting in the 2nd best lap on qualifiers. (Only 17 minutes behind Stoner.) The new Honda still isn't all that convincing on race rubber.

It was a great test for the youngsters. Andrea Dovizioso was in the top 4 every day of the test. Dovi is my tip for top rookie this year. In 250GP last year he was always hounding his hilariously slappable rival Jorge Lorenzo, despite Dovi's Honda being way down on power compared to Lorenzo's Aprilia. The young Italian has taken to 800cc MotoGP like a duck to water.

Fellow 250cc graduate Alex de Angelis also put in some great times, although it remains to be seen whether he is ruthless enough to reach the top, having finished 2nd about a million times in 250.

It was a horrible test for Kawasaki Ninja Turtle John Hopkins. Although he started with some totally bodacious lap times in the wet, he pushed, like, too hard and totally highsided at the terrifying turn one (a corner that even Aussie V8 Supercar drivers have nightmares about, and they're sat in a 6-ton rollcage inside a 14-ton car that would demolish an office block without spilling the driver's Castlemaine XXXX.) Hopper suffered injuries to his crotch, partially ripping a muscle from the bone. Owww, Dude! He reckons on being fit enough for the big pre-season test, and you'd have to believe him because he's, like, one tough son of a beeyatch.

Team Dude's other rider Ant West struggled for pace. Surgery on a wrist injury has wrecked his training schedule, leaving him woefully short of the kind of fitness required to do a hundred laps a day for 3 days. He'll do well to get up to speed by the start of the season.

D'Antin Ducati riders Toni Elias and Sylvain Guintoli did alright, lapping faster than Melandri on the final day. Presumably D'Antin will receive rubbish race engines which, along with their inept mechanics, will ensure that Toni and Sylvain always finish behind Marco.

Suzuki have always been rubbish at The Island. Nothing's changed.