MotoGP stays on British Eurosport

There has been a huge amount of wailing and moaning in the UK about the TV coverage of MotoGP. Generally, the casual fans, and those without satellite telly, watch MotoGP on the BBC (free to everyone, great picture quality, no adverts). And generally, hardcore fans with satellite telly watch MotoGP on the British Eurosport channel (crap picture quality, loads of bloody adverts, though the channel has recently switched to 16:9 widescreen). It was announced that Eurosport had lost the rights to MotoGP and they would be shown exclusively on the Beeb (Well, MotoGP on a BBC channel and 125/250cc on the fiddly "red button" service available to anyone with some form of digital telly). However, it has now been announced that Eurosport will show the 125cc and 250cc races live, and MotoGP races will be shown delayed, later that day.

The trouble with the whole thing is that the BBC MotoGP coverage is very popular with casual fans, getting more than a million viewers per race and extremely high approval ratings amongst those who watch it. This means that the Beeb has to aim its coverage at the casual fan. The main thing about this strategy is that one of the commentators is Australian ex-car racer Charlie Cox (great bloke, shame about the constant car racing references). He gets right up the hooters of many hardcore motorbike racing fans. The rest of the BBC team is generally regarded fairly well by hardcore fans (presenter Suzi Perry, pitlane reporter Matt Roberts, and "colour commentator" Steve Parrish, an ex-bike racer and close friend of the late, great Barry Sheene).

The British Eurosport commentary team for 2009 hasn't been confirmed, but it'll probably be the same guys who have been doing it for years and have amassed legions of fans. Enormous, hairy legend Julian Ryder, small, bald Alan Partridge impressionist Toby Moody, with legendary Californian multiple 500GP runner up Randy Mamola (who endearingly speaks English like it's his 27th language, as parodied on a certain scurrilous website) reporting from the pitlane.

This news has exploded across the internet, to the delight of hardcore fans who want their British Eurosport fix, which, unlike the Beeb,  includes coverage of practise and warm-up sessions. The compromise seems pretty fair. The BBC get exclusive live MotoGP, which is broadcast with very high picture quality and no bloody advertisement breaks. Eurosport broadcast the 125 and 250cc races live, which they're very, very good at, and tape-delayed MotoGP.

This should shut up a lot of the whingeing. We'll see. Hopefully this means that Jules Ryder will still be doing his unmissable "Ryder Notes" column every race weekend's Friday, Saturday and Sunday over on Superbikeplanet.com.

You Know MotoGP Sucks When...

Top reasons to tell when MotoGP sucks:

1. Valentino Rossi wants to ride in World Superbikes, just for fun.
2. MotoGP starts to borrow cost-cutting ideas from the most soul-destroyingly tedious race series in the world: F1.
3. MotoGP is down to 4 manufacturers, while WSBK is up to 7.
4. Casey Stoner tops the testing timesheets, even though he can barely move his wrist.
5. Sideshow Bob Simoncelli stays in the festering 250GP series when he could have had a satellite bike in MotoGP.
6. Charlie Cox (nice bloke, shame about the constant references to car racing) will be the lead commentator on MotoGP in the UK, while WSBK will have the greatest commentary duo of any sport in history, British Eurosport's Jack Burnicle and James Whitham.
7. Dorna want to resurrect the abysmal Kawasaki bikes instead of poisoning them, shooting them, then throwing them into a freezing river.
8. I'm excited about the WSBK season starting in a fortnight, and I can't even remember when the MotoGP season starts.
9. MotoGP has signed a deal to race at (bloody) Silverstone instead of Donington.
10. Kropotkin has started covering WSBK (pass the smelling salts)
    

MotoGP: Stoner Sizzles at Sepang Test

The 3 day MotoGP test at Sepang ended with Casey Stoner top of the heap, even though his wrist is still recovering from an operation, which limited him to 3-lap runs. Pretty impressive stuff from the Aussie, although he really could have done with some long runs and race simulations to help him understand how the new Bridgestone control tyres will perform as a race goes on.

Valentino Rossi was second, and he too was riding crocked after sustaining injuries to his left hand and foot after supposedly falling through a glass coffee table when closing the curtains. The Italian superstar isn't going to let a comedy slapstick injury and dubious cover story slow him down.

Little Dani Pedrosa headed for the airport a day early because he too is injured, this time with a sore knee. He'll be tucked up in bed with his teddy bear, resting up for the next test.

Loris Capirossi was suspiciously fast on the Suzuki. It seems that Suzuki are always suspiciously fast in testing at Sepang. Of course, Loris is genuinely quick on that track, but it's always hard to tell how fast anyone will really be when the testing stops and the season starts. In other words, I think Suzuki won't be winning many races this year. Hopefully they can carry on this form though, because I'm a fan of the little Italian nutter.

Chris Vermeulen was also quick on the second Suzuki, which points to the bike being quick at Sepang. However, ultimate lap times can be deceiving due to the nature of the track. Some guy on a Ducati can hold you up as he fights the thing round corners, then disappear into the distance on the long straights.

Colin Edwards did well, finishing 4th on the final day. It's a very impressive performance on Bridgestone tyres for the Texan, considering he's been with Michelin for donkeys' years. Of course, Colin's another rider who tests well and races not so well, in MotoGP anyway.

James Toseland make the rookie error of pushing too hard on a cold, hard-compound tyre. The Bridgestone rubber responded to this mistreatment by flipping the Englishman over the high side at 125mph, which Toseland called the biggest crash of his life, even bigger than the one in British Superbike that shattered his femur. Luckily for him, the Sepang track is very modern, and has acres upon acres of tarmac and gravel. Basically, if you fall off at Sepang and there are no other bikes around, there's nothing to hit, so you'll just tumble along for a while then come to a halt. Still, the ground gave JT a good solid whack on the head that left him feeling dazed for the rest of the test, and also hurt some arm muscles that are used particularly under braking (triceps). It was a stupid mistake that cost him valuable testing time, but the lad didn't win 2 WSBK titles by being daft, so he shouldn't do it again. Maybe there's something about Sepang, where he fell off during the race last year for no good reason except pushing too hard.

Toni Elias was quick on the semi-factory Honda, and Andrea Dovizioso was respectably quick on the factory machine, which was pretty good going as the Italian is getting used to the Bridgestone rubber.

Nicky Hayden is another Michelin refugee and a newcomer to Ducati. He was a lot slower than Stoner, though not embarrassingly so (a la Melandri). He is still trying to get used to the Bologna Bullet. Personally, I'm not at all convinced that the current Duke will suit the Kentucky Kid. It's well known that Stoner trusts the electronics and slams the throttle open (now that's what I call confidence), whereas Capirossi and Melandri both hated it as they didn't trust the computers. Hayden is known for his dislike of traction control. I think he would've suited the early 990cc Ducati, which Capirossi wrestled to victories as it bucked and weaved under him. Here's hoping the Kentuckian can get used to the systems of the space age 800cc machine.

Sete Gibernau was slower than Hayden on his Onde 2000 Ducati with its murderous dictator sponsorship package. Boo hoo.

Valentino Rossi: One Man Silly Season

The secondary silly season started by the credit crunch seems to have fizzled out, with Kwaka gone and their riders not stealing rides from anyone else, and the other manufacturers staying put. However, Valentino Rossi has single-handedly managed to keep the interweb full of cock and bull stories.

Firstly there was the idea that Vale would ride in a World Superbike round for Yamaha Italia, which led to a will he - won't he frenzy in the rumour mills. Yamaha put the kybosh on this, supposedly due to a lack of parts. Yeah, right. Yamaha Motor Italia are building race and spare bikes for Spies and Sykes in WSBK, and the same again in kit form for Airwaves Yamaha in the BSB. So they'll have 8 WSBK-spec superbikes, but won't have enough spares knocking around for another 2? Hmmm... They must be cutting it a bit tight for their existing riders then...

Nah, the real reason for the cancellation of Rossi's WSBK wildcard has to be that Dorna are filling their Huggies at the idea of Rossi racing in another series, and Yamaha won't be too enamoured of the idea either. MotoGP will survive, but not until it has finished dying on its arse. Hardly any bikes, hardly any excitement. The 800cc era sucks, regardless of whether it's down to engine capacity, electronics, tyres or Jupiter being in Aquarius.

Everyone knows MotoGP sucks just now. Everyone knows WSBK is brilliant right now, with loads of manufacturers, loads of potential racewinners and furious arguments about who will win the title now that Bayliss has retired. Rossi wants to have some fun on a motorcycle, which means wildcarding in WSBK. However, Dorna and Yamaha have to pretend that MotoGP still rules, otherwise why bother? So Rossi won't be racing a superbike unless MotoGP gets a lot more exciting and its head honchos stop feeling so threatened and defensive.

Not satisfied with that round of rumour and speculation, Rossi just couldn't keep himself out of the headlines. The champ was rushed to hospital with cuts to his clutch hand and gearshift foot, and produced a cock and bull story worthy of David Hasselhoff to explain the injuries. Supposedly the multiple world champion, a man with the balance and reflexes of a cat, was closing the curtains at his Italian home (he's admitting it's his home now the tax thing is over) when he fell through a glass coffee table like a kid who's just seen a Jackie Chan movie and got ideas into his head.

A cynic might suggest that this is more likely a case of what British accident & emergency doctors call a PFO. Pissed, Fell Over (The British meaning of pissed, i.e. drunk). I'm sure the Italian quacks will have looked at each other, rolled their eyes and written Vale's claims in the big book of excuses that they read out to hoots of laughter at the Christmas party each year, alongside "I was naked and the place was a mess so I decided to vacuum and I didn't mean to point the nozzle there" and "I was naked and I didn't see it there on the chair and I must've just sat down on it."

Anyway, whatever really happened, The Doctor was patched up by the doctor and should be fine. Still, Valentino Rossi couldn't stay out of the headlines even if he ran off to Belgium.