Valentino Rossi: One Man Silly Season

The secondary silly season started by the credit crunch seems to have fizzled out, with Kwaka gone and their riders not stealing rides from anyone else, and the other manufacturers staying put. However, Valentino Rossi has single-handedly managed to keep the interweb full of cock and bull stories.

Firstly there was the idea that Vale would ride in a World Superbike round for Yamaha Italia, which led to a will he - won't he frenzy in the rumour mills. Yamaha put the kybosh on this, supposedly due to a lack of parts. Yeah, right. Yamaha Motor Italia are building race and spare bikes for Spies and Sykes in WSBK, and the same again in kit form for Airwaves Yamaha in the BSB. So they'll have 8 WSBK-spec superbikes, but won't have enough spares knocking around for another 2? Hmmm... They must be cutting it a bit tight for their existing riders then...

Nah, the real reason for the cancellation of Rossi's WSBK wildcard has to be that Dorna are filling their Huggies at the idea of Rossi racing in another series, and Yamaha won't be too enamoured of the idea either. MotoGP will survive, but not until it has finished dying on its arse. Hardly any bikes, hardly any excitement. The 800cc era sucks, regardless of whether it's down to engine capacity, electronics, tyres or Jupiter being in Aquarius.

Everyone knows MotoGP sucks just now. Everyone knows WSBK is brilliant right now, with loads of manufacturers, loads of potential racewinners and furious arguments about who will win the title now that Bayliss has retired. Rossi wants to have some fun on a motorcycle, which means wildcarding in WSBK. However, Dorna and Yamaha have to pretend that MotoGP still rules, otherwise why bother? So Rossi won't be racing a superbike unless MotoGP gets a lot more exciting and its head honchos stop feeling so threatened and defensive.

Not satisfied with that round of rumour and speculation, Rossi just couldn't keep himself out of the headlines. The champ was rushed to hospital with cuts to his clutch hand and gearshift foot, and produced a cock and bull story worthy of David Hasselhoff to explain the injuries. Supposedly the multiple world champion, a man with the balance and reflexes of a cat, was closing the curtains at his Italian home (he's admitting it's his home now the tax thing is over) when he fell through a glass coffee table like a kid who's just seen a Jackie Chan movie and got ideas into his head.

A cynic might suggest that this is more likely a case of what British accident & emergency doctors call a PFO. Pissed, Fell Over (The British meaning of pissed, i.e. drunk). I'm sure the Italian quacks will have looked at each other, rolled their eyes and written Vale's claims in the big book of excuses that they read out to hoots of laughter at the Christmas party each year, alongside "I was naked and the place was a mess so I decided to vacuum and I didn't mean to point the nozzle there" and "I was naked and I didn't see it there on the chair and I must've just sat down on it."

Anyway, whatever really happened, The Doctor was patched up by the doctor and should be fine. Still, Valentino Rossi couldn't stay out of the headlines even if he ran off to Belgium.